May be you should stop trying to force certain people into your life and you will see those who really matter.
Adelle Haughton
What’s the secret to a happy life? Many might say that money is a big part of the equation. But intrigued with discovering the secrets to a meaningful and happy life, a group of Harvard researchers launched a study. They looked at all aspects, including relationships, politics and religion, coping strategies and alcohol use. What they found may surprise you. Perhaps one of the biggest revelations was that love really does matter when it comes to living a fulfilled life.
In his book about the study, Triumphs of Experience, Harvard psychiatrist George Vaillant, study director from 1972 to 2004, writes: “There are two pillars of happiness. One is love. The other is finding a way of coping with life that does not push love away.”
Relationships are the only things that matter in life. It can be of many types like Family relationships, Friendships, Acquaintanceship and Romantic relationships. You could have a successful career, money and good physical health, but without supportive, loving relationships, you’d be unhappy.
It’s so easy to get caught up in strong feelings for another person be it a lover, best friend, family member or anyone. Love is a potent cocktail of emotions, after all, and it can start to seem like it’s all that really matters. But experts agree there are quite a few things more important in a bond similar to love. And keeping those things also in mind, while moving forward as a team, is essential.
When You’re The Only One Putting In An Effort
It’s when you realize that you are trying hard to stay together with the other person but they don’t care at all. You will have to accept the fact that you are not important to that special person anymore. So instead of trying harder to get that person and making fun of yourself, think about your self respect and let that person go.
When They Expects You To Change.
Change and growth are part of sharing a life together, but it can also become a source of contention. On one end, accepting them for who they are is part of a loving relationship. But if one of you is constantly trying to change or control the other, then this is a problem.
When They Bring In Past Memories In The Present.
One of the most painful ways to wound someone with guilt is to bring up past hurts and wrongs. No matter what they have done in the past, or how sorry they are for doing it, there is absolutely nothing they can do today to take it back. Bringing up past behavior is a cruel way to punish someone. Your decision on whether to stay with the person should be based on your current feelings, the actual state of the relationship and the future you see with them.
When The Relationship Brings You More Pain Than Joy.
Sometimes, we tend to be blinded by the past happy moments of the relationship. To the extent we forget about all the unhappiness it brings us. You know that person is so much needed in your life but if they give priority to some other things which can be handled with time instead of thinking about staying forever. And this situation scatters things in no time. You cry for that person for months because you think that person was the single best thing in your life.
When Your Interests Don’t Interest Each Other.
Don’t let them bother your life forever. Yes, it’s okay that you love a person and want that person in your life forever but you absolutely can’t do anything if that person doesn’t want all those things too. You shouldn’t be happy settling for a lesser version of yourself. You shouldn’t have to compromise with all of your dreams and goals just to be with that person. They should understand and respect your needs as well. It takes two exceptional people to navigate tricky dual-career waters. It’s easier to opt for the path of least resistance. Anything less is so yesterday.
When Staying On Is More Difficult Then Letting Go
Yes, it may feel like life is going to be very difficult and impossible. You find your hopes burning. You cry alone and become helpless. Humans are creatures of habit. Once you find something that works and that makes you feel comfortable, you fight to keep it. For most people it’s just easier to stay. That’s the default. The box is safe and familiar. If you want a genuinely happy, healthy and fulfilling relationship, you have to be willing to take some risks. Staying in a relationship out of fear, guilt or for any other reason except genuine and true affection for the other person is damaging your emotional, physical and mental well being.
You ask yourself if you will be able to survive or not, but sooner you will realize that if they are hesitant about being with you in the initial stages then whats the guarantee that they’ll stay forever?
You cannot love or be loved properly in an environment where guilt is used as a weapon. It cannot last for the long haul. Emotional intimacy doesn’t just happen because you are with someone. Intimacy, like trust, has to be built. It takes conscious choices and effort from both, but the result is definitely worth it.
Relationships aren’t always sunshine and rainbows, but the happy times should far outweigh the unhappy ones. Being happy is really important in a relationship and if you are not happy then it is time to move on.
Yes, it is painful to let that person go. Accept the fact that you loved that person so much from your heart and it is painful to let them go. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed of your conditions, it’s a process everyone goes through. Even the most perfect things don’t last forever. Always remember this.
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